Yeah my girlfriend takes me home when I’m too drunk to drive
And she doesn’t get all jealous when I hang out with the guys
She laughs at my dumb jokes when no one does
She brings me mexican food from Sombrero just because

And my girlfriend likes UL and DHC
And she’s so smart and independent
I don’t think she needs me
Quite half as much as I know I need her
I wonder why there’s not another guy that she’d prefer

And when I feel like giving up like my world is falling down
I show up at three a.m.
She’s still up watching Vacation
And I see her pretty face
It takes me away to a better place and
I know that everything’s gonna be fine

And my girlfriend takes collect calls from the road
And it doesn’t seem to matter that I’m lacking in the bulge